Worst Apocalypse EVER!

In All My Dreams I Drown:

I haven't dreamt of drowning in a long time. The water hasn't come for me since I began feeding heavily from the Dreams of others.

My Incubus hasn't been around either. I think it's because I'm now able to do what he does, even if it is on a much smaller level. The last few times I saw him, he attacked me, clawing at me. I felt that pain, even upon waking, carrying the phantom wounds of his attack for weeks after each occurred.

I hated the water, feared it, and yet, on some level, I also miss it; more than I do the loss of my Incubus.

I long for those waves to claim me again.

I walk in Chaos:

Not because I have to, but because I like the view.

Skeptics:

Lets say that there's no such thing as needing to feed on the essence (in it's many different forms) of others. That it's all pretty much in our heads. Just a way for us to convince ourselves that we have some type of power over those around us, when we are, in fact, powerless.

First off, I don't consider myself empowered just because I need energy. Being spiritually anemic isn't the defining quality behind my awesomeness. If anything, it's a deterrent. Needing to feed is a weakness. It means that we're lacking in something that only another person can provide. That's not a exactly a good thing.

Also, I don't particularly LIKE feeding on others, not due to any moral issues on my part, as energy cannibalization isn't anywhere near to crossing my line of personal ethics.....Yes, I HAVE a line, it's not viewable from where I'm usually standing, but there's one out there somewhere. No, my aversion is due to the fact that I don't even like people touching me, so I'm not really all that thrilled over allowing their soul slime to slug around inside of me.

Feeding, despite how much I may require it, is nothing more than a self-inflicted violation.

So the whole empowering theory is bullshit, at least where I'm concerned. My power in this world does not come from any type of metaphysical source. That's just the cherry on the mind-fuck sundae, so to speak.

So take it away. Take all meaning behind what I do in order to feed.

At worst, I'm a delusional bitch who's mentally and emotionally manipulating and abusing the scum of the earth for shits and giggles. People so desperate to have their egos fluffed they're able to delude themselves into thinking, despite all of my forewarnings, that they were actually the ONE who was able to wring some type of sincerity from me. When, in actuality, the idea that I could form any type of emotional attachment with anyone I meet in a chat room, or on a web forum, is a thousand times more improbable than the concept of energy vampirism.

Gods I hate that term, WHY did the Occult communities decide to go with it? It's about as stupid as Therians who call themselves "Weres". Of COURSE you're a Were, you dumb fuck, it literally translates to MAN!

Anywho, the bottom line is, if you take away all of the mystical bullshit, then all you're really doing is denying me one of the few weaknesses I'm willing to admit to having.

Which is awesome. So let's hear it for skepticism! You totally rock!

Chomp:

I'm a predator.

Don't like it? Well, too bad.

Why don't you do yourself a favor and try being less of a meal.

Shapeshifting & Comic Book References:

People often feel very passionate about certain things. Whether it's politics, religion, or just about any other topic capable of inciting heated debates. 

I enjoy reading and hearing their opinions, but rarely do I ever feel moved by them to any real extent, at least not long-term. Barring out-right bigotry, racism and those fuckwads over at NAMBLA, which I luckily feel no compulsion to sympathize with, I'm usually able to understand both sides of most any debate. Sometimes it goes beyond that. My Shifter nature will always lean towards whoever I'm speaking with at the moment, and is subject to change depending on the opinions of those in my general surroundings.

I'm apathetic and fickle, that doesn't mean I don't recognize the importance of your stance, or appreciate your passion towards it, in fact it's that very energy which will draw me to you in the first place. It's just that once I'm out of your area of influence, I probably won't give anything you've told me a second thought.

At least not until we chat again on the topic and you once more have my undivided attention, the extent of course will depend on your level of devotion.

I used to think I wore a mask around people, pretending to be somebody I wasn't because the way I'd think would always change depending on my circumstances, and especially when I was alone, but years ago I realized and accepted the fact that I'm just a Shifter, blending into my surroundings. And that each "persona" I have is as authentic as what most people would consider to be their "real" selves.

Some of it does involve feeding, as there are times when I go into predator mode and if I sense that someone's energy is naturally antagonistic, then I will poke at them to get a better reaction, but if not, then I'm the best, most attentive friend you could ever hope for.

None of this is intentional, and I never take a great deal of energy from those I consider my friends, but I'm aware of myself enough that I'm able to recognize, and own up to it.

For example, I believe that the reason I'm so quite around people I don't know very well is because subconsciously, I'm letting them take the lead so that I can collect data on them, get a feel for their energy, so that my personality can build accordingly. Until I know what I need to be for someone, whether it's the sympathetic shoulder to cry on and ear to listen to their ventations (I'm a writer, I'm allowed to make up words), or an adversary for them to verbally spar with, then I'm literally a blank slate.

It used to depress me a bit, my Chameleon Shifting (Cocktail Personality Disorder for those of you who don't believe in Metaphysics), because I felt like I was nobody, just a reflection of those around me. I constantly felt insincere....not while I was talking with someone, because that always feels natural, but afterwards, once I have a chance to think things out and realize that my opinions constantly contradicted themselves.

Now I realize that I was wrong. I'm not a nobody, I'm not just a collection of everybody I've ever known, although bits and pieces can be attributed to them, and I'm not being insincere or catering to those around me.....I'm just a person who can be whatever and whoever I need to be, and I completely accept that.

This isn't a warning, I'm not trying to scare anyone off, but I am honest enough to try and explain how I am, as it can come off as highly manipulative at times, and for the most part, that is not intentional either.

The very nature of my shifting is manipulative, because it helps me either blend in, or instigate, depending on the role I feel I'm supposed to play.

Vice:

 

Pandora's box.....almost everyone knows the infamous Greek myth. A woman created to punish the hubris of man, both beautiful and inquisitive and entrusted with a mysterious box that must never be opened...

I am not one to argue the right and wrongs concerning the mythologies of other faiths. In my own belief system, the things she released from that box, all of the "vices" of man, are known as the Cursed Gods, and they were born long before the Gods themselves.

They are younger than the first Primordials, but older than most other entities. And despite their name, they are not bad or evil, but necessary to the nature of all things both mortal and Divine.

Afterall, how could Pandora had even desired to open the box if not for Temptation? And he is one of the Cursed Gods I am probably the most aquainted with.

Every single emotion, everything that pulls and shapes us, comes from them. They are as countless as the stars, and just as constant in our lives.

We are blessed, or cursed, with free will, so they do not have to rule our lives unless we allow it. Oh, they play us, and ever so well. They know our weaknesses and feed on the chaos that ensues everytime one of us succumbs to their influence.

The results are not always unpleasant, but they are always guarenteed to change our lives in some way or another.

Dabbling in Death:

The worst thing I have ever done regarding my Craft involved death.....not causing it, as even those who have died as a result of a mishap on my part do not haunt me or give me any cause for regret.

No, I thought that because I had once orchestrated the events which lead to someone beating death, that I had a right to that power, that I could ward it off no matter what my target's fate was.

In my arrogance, I saved the life of another, only to prolong their suffering. In the end, they died by my word, because I had come to realize that what I had done was something unnatural, and that they would not have thanked me for it.

I no longer try to save lives, as that is not the nature of my path.

There is beauty in Death, as much as there is to be found in Life. Accepting that fact was one of the most important, and painful, lessons I have ever learned.

Death by Peeps:

*This spell is meant for a diabetic, although, with a little tweaking, it can easily turn from a death spell, into a hex to give someone diabetes. That's the fun thing about Crafting, the possibilities are endless.

 

Ingredients:

1 charged Poppet. This should be made from a sponge. Doesn't matter what type, if you prefer to go all natural then by all means get yourself a sea sponge, otherwise, pick up a yellow brick-sponge from your local supermarket and shape it into a basic, gingerbread-type humanoid form.

1 Glass bottle with lid. Don't worry about being fancy here, mason jars are an Occultist's best friend.

A shit-ton of Peeps.

I won't bother telling you how to charge your Poppet, if you do not know how, then you do not need to ever worry about preforming this spell.

Steps:

 - Place your charged Poppet into the container.

 - Surround the Poppet with Peeps. Stuff those suckers in until there is literally no room left. You want to suffocate your Poppet with their yellow, sugary evil.

 - Add water.

>insert whatever chant/incantation/energy focus you prefer to use in order to make known your intent here<

 - Seal the container. Personally, a little super-glue works wonders when it comes to wanting to ensure that your lid stays perfectly sealed and intact. I know candle wax is fancier, but I deal in practicality.

 - Dispose of as desired. Usually I keep my Poppets, but in caues such as this, which include perishable foodstuffs, I'd probably bury it somewhere. Preferably somewhere I don't frequent on a regular basis.

 - Finish up by engaging in any type of ritual grounding/cleansing you feel you require.

And there you have it.....Death by Peeps. 

Spelling Mishaps:

It's been a long time since anyone has given me a lecture for not spelling Magic with a K, and I totally don't miss that aspect of dealing with other Crafters.

It's right up there in my book with threefold and the "oathbreaker" rant.

Then again, I don't really speak to a lot of Neos these days so maybe that's it.

The reason I don't spell it that way is because when I first began my path, I didn't have access to anything that told me to, and once I did, it didn't feel natural, so I didn't go with it.

Later on, I joined a serious Occult group and they pretty much disdained anyone who spelled it that way, unless they were somehow associated with Crowley's teachings. As a joke, I created a SN with the K in it for when I posted on the group's forums.....(well, I originally created the SN to troll a Therian forum I was a member of, because they were grouping up and trolling other "Were" forums, then posting the results of their games and laughing about it. I decided to even the score, because none of these forums knew that they were being targeted by an entire group. So I made a new account, and linked all of the posts on the targeted forums. The Troll-Therians had their site bombarded and eventually had to go private to avoid any further mishaps, and all was right in the world.)

I'm the Dexter of Trolls. I only ever Troll other Trolls.

I guess my point is...there was a time when a lot of Crafters developed this clone mentality where they assumed that EVERY Crafter was a (Neo)Wiccan, and if you dared to differentiated from the norm, then they'd go off on you like a pack of rabid dogs.

These days, I don't really see that, so I'm hoping that knowledge has finally triumphed over ignorance in regard to the Occult.

After all, this is a highly diverse vocation, and the path each of us walks is not necessarily yours.

Felidae:

Silly Suckling, I had no intentions of feeding from that empty little head of yours, regardless of how many times you've begged me to do so.

However, this most recent misstep of yours, yet another bungling attempt on your part to once again involve me in your games, has turned my otherwise uninterested attentions towards another, far more delicious little morsel, one who's mind calls to the Darkness within.

Such a pretty little kitten, whose head is full of Dreams.

I think I wish to dance with her.

Brambles:

Aside from the occasional joke, I don't tend to focus on the atrocities committed by other religious fanatics, most of which occurred hundreds of years before my birth, because I'm not that big of a hypocrite.

The second aspect of my Lady rules over the Flesh, holding all acts of the Flesh to be sacred. Unlike some other watered down sex deities, this doesn't just include things which beget pleasure.

Pain is not all she stands for, but it is sacred to her. It is one of the main reasons I don't have too much of a problem with my own pain issues, as if I'm going to be the chosen of a Primordial Proto-Goddess who rules over such things, then I can't really whine too loudly when I'm forced to experience them.

Basically I could indiscriminately commit just about any heinous atrocity known to man and my Lady would be just as pleased by my conduct as if I were to offer aid and comfort to those in need of such niceties.

It's not about right or wrong, as there really isn't such a concept aside from what society has brainwashed us into believing....pain has it's place in the balance. Suffering and destruction are necessities.

I am a strong believer in the Balance, and as such, my faith dictates that all things have an equally important purpose, including those which might be a bit too harsh for the majority to swallow.

I walk the path of the Twisting Briar, so it only makes sense that I'm willing to embrace the thorns which surround me, even as they tear and rend at my own flesh.

Magic and Morals:

I do not believe in a singular reality.

Even without the belief in other worlds, I would still hold that reality is what people make of it. It can bend according to our wills and how we choose to view it.

I believe that through manipulation and deception, that we can change the perceptions, and therefore the realities, of those around us.

This is the core belief behind the path I walk, for what else is Magic but the manipulation of all things based through nothing more than the power of our will?

Then again, maybe that's just the jaded opinion of a diseased mind. What can I say? I was born without a moral compass.

Pointless:

A few weeks ago, I figured out a nifty way to shut down my mind so I can sleep.

A hard, mental push right between my shoulder blades completely clears every thought from my mind for a few minutes, and if I keep doing it, I eventually drift off into a deep sleep.

The downside is that the next day, I'll feel a deep, pulled-muscle pain in that area, which refuses to go away.

I've had my fair share of phantom wounds in the past, so I know that's what this is, I'm just a bit annoyed that something so beneficial could cause this much pain, especially when there's nothing I can do to heal it, and have to just ride it out.

Self-healing isn't one of my strengths, and unfortunately Tylenol doesn't do jack for phantom wounds.

Origins:

I was spawned in the city of Y'ha-nthlei, along with tens of thousands of my brothers and sisters. Somehow, the details are a bit fuzzy, my pod became separated from the clutch and I found myself being hatched upon the land. I have no idea how all of this came about because...well, Duh, I was still fetal at the time, but I do know that a kindly pack of Wolves found and raised me until around my 6th year. 

 

That was when the Gypsies discovered me, living in the wilds and terrorizing the local farmers by liberating their livestock into my belly. The Gypsies wanted to keep me, as a pet of sorts, but their group's Phuri Dae declared me to be cursed, so they had no other recourse than to abandon me on the steps of the first Gadjo household they came across. 
 

Since then I have resided in a perpetual state of confusion.

A thief comes during the night and rapes your Oxen:

Does attempting to use the Apple II version of The Oregon Trail as a way to Hexify targets IRL make me a Technomancer?

 

The early years:

There's a reason why I've never use the by-products of living animals in any of my physical spells...

Many years ago, when I was first starting out in my Craft, I decided to make a poppet for this total jackass I knew. He was the type of person who was very charismatic, but also completely manipulative. For some reason, nobody could see through his bullshit, even after he'd use and hurt them. In the eyes of just about everyone, he could do no wrong.

Now, at the time, I was completely self taught. I didn't even have access to Occult books, or on-line. The only other Crafters I knew only became interested in magic after watching The Craft, which I didn't bother seeing until several years after it came out due to the staggering amount of converts it seemed to attract. The only reason I worked with Poppets so much is because of The Witches of Eastwick, and a scattering of "historical" books based around the Witch Hunts of the Inquisition. So my sources were questionable, but they seemed to work.

My plan was to make a "Liars Paste" in which to paint the Poppet with, while also stuffing the Poppet with foul materials meant to expose the target's true intentions, as well as cause him a bit of misfortune.

The ingredients for this paste were rather vile. I crushed up dead and dried cockroaches, flies, gnats and mosquitoes. I mixed this with the dried feces of various animals. Because he was a smoker, I was able to get ahold of his ashtray and mixed in the ashes from several of the cigarettes he smoked. Since my knowledge of herbs at the time was nonexistent, I went with what I knew, which was poison ivy and oak, dried and crushed into the mixture. I then took some rather putrid mud from a part of town rumored to be haunted. Since it was a favorite weekend hangout for junkies and he'd often visited there, I figured it would make for the perfect liquid so that my jar of bits and pieces could be turned into something I could paint my poppet with.

Like I said, this was a long time ago and many of my initial spells consisted of little more than mayhem and mudpies.

One of the issues I had with this spell was my concerns about using parts from animals which were still alive. The feces I collected belonged to mice, rats, and geese. I wondered if my spell could affect them in any way, as even though these were waste products, they were still possible taglines to the animals.

Now, at the time, there was an older woman who was knowledgeable about such things who set up at the local flea market. I often bought crystals from her, but we never spoke much about the Occult, as at the time, I was never really sure how I'd come off. I finally decided to ask about the possibility of causing harm to animals if I used any of their by-products in a spell, although I didn't include any actual details about what I was doing.

She gave me this very stern look and asked me pointblank if this spell was intended to cause any "harm". I quickly assured her that I would never do anything like that and sulked away. I never bothered to ask her anything relating to the Craft again, although a few years ago, after she learned I was pregnant with my younger son, she informed me that I was carrying the reincarnated soul of my recently deceased Father, which was probably one of the most revolting things she could have possibly told me, and confirmed my opinion that despite her age and experience, she was basically just Neo-Fluff and not really the type of person I needed to look towards as a possible mentor.

Because I never wanted to risk harming a living animal, I nixed the critter poop and went with something else instead.

The spell worked like a charm and Jackass suddenly found himself reviled by those who'd previously worshiped him like the second coming of Christ.

You know who you are:

I saw through your counterfeit guise from the beginning. The fact that you've attempted to go this far, for this long, only proves your foolishness in underestimating me.

Obviously not one of your most prudent decisions.

Although, despite your woeful lapse in judgement, and due to the fact that I hold you in some regard, insignificant as that may be, I shall impart a crumb unto you and yours. Know now that however you proceed from this moment on, that I shall not hold it against you, for if you persist in this ill-advised endevor, then you shall pay a price far greater than that of my disdain; which is in itself a thing to be reckoned with. The truth of the matter is that you simply are not worthy of any retaliation on my part, as even your greatest attempts to cast against me are less than the annoyance of a single gnat, and just as easily dismissed.

You see my little proselyte, the reasoning behind my lack of trepidation in regard to the tresspassing of mortals against me is due to the fact that my pain is sacred, and belongs wholly to another. One far older and more powerful than any God(s). That is not hubris, nor am I using Her as a threat against you, as She does not do my bidding. You will find however, like so many before you, that She is very territorial over Her chosen, and as one of Her marked, She can be a tad bit....protective towards me.

This is not affection, as She would love my decomposing corpse with the same intensity as She does my living form. No, any action taken on Her part against those whom would dare attempt to attack one of Hers stems solely from Her inability to share Her toys.....nothing more, and nothing less.

I am the Sibyl of the Darkness, a Primordial born of the Chaos. The Cursed Gods of Madness, Destruction, Pain, Betrayal, and Despair are but a few of Her children, and my God-kin.

They, and only they, are the orchestrators my torment.

Foolish human, whatever made you think that an amateur of your caliber would be allowed within the sacred gallery? You, who are a handful of hairs away from the chimps in which your ancestry lies? That you would be so audacious as to think that a puddle of oozing muck such as yourself would be permitted to breach the sanctum in which the Cursed Gods themselves create their masterpieces?

Such haughty arrogance.....how is it that you have survived this long without being crushed beneath the weight of your own presumptuous audacity? Even now your ego will not allow you to retreat, as you will only see my words as a challenge. So ostentatious....I do believe it is this quality, more than any other you possess, which amuses me so.

Although, if that is to be the case, then by all means, feel free to disregard my warnings if you so desire, as I have done my part as far as both you and this ritual are concerned. In the end, all of this shall account for nothing, as history has well taught us that human beings never pay any heed to the harbinger.

You see my sweet neophyte, Nietzsche was wrong. If you are foolish enough to seek communion with the abyss, then it won't simply stare back at you.....it will rip your soul from that screaming meat-husk you call a body and spend eternity making it, and everything you ever cared about in the very short span of your mortal life, it's bitch. 

Happy hunting. 

Nom, with a K:

I know the reason behind it, but I just can't take any "school" or site seriously if they spell Magic with a K.

Unless they're Crowley-ites, then I can overlook it, but most of these "school sites" are just Neo-Pagans trying to make a buck on the same stupid-ass bullshit you can find on-line for free.

I also refuse to read a site, page or anything that mentions "Threefold" in it. That word(s) is enough to make me dismiss anything else the author says as fluffy dreck.

It's not that I'm anti-fluff, because I believe they have their part in the balance, but that doesn't mean I'll go out of my way to waste my time on them either.

Unless I like the way they taste, then I might humor them for a bit, just in case I get the munchies and need a quick snack.

And no, I don't consider myself a vampire.....more like an energy cannibal.

People like me provide a viable service.

The unwashed masses were created for the sole purpose of mastication. They have way too much building up inside of them and desperately need an outlet, but are too damned lazy to seek one out. That's where Siphons and Feeders (what the Occult communities call "Energy Vampires") come into play. We Nom those fuckers back to normal and in the end, everybody's happy.

Unless we take too much, but that's really no biggie. What's a few less humans on an already overpopulated planet?

The things I put up with:

I had a rather weird night....basically something manifested to me, a gift I'm guessing. I'm just not sure of the source.

Now, I've always straddled two worlds....in a way that would be defined as "delusional" by most sane human beings, and while I often utilize such terms to define my experiences, because I don't expect the rest of the world to take them seriously, I personally believe that the things I hear and see are real.

I have a singular world which I have access to, other than this one. There are countless worlds out there though, and I believe that anything which alters perception, such as drug use or mental disorders, gives people a window, a way to view into those worlds.

Whatever came at me last night was not a part of either of my worlds. I believe it was connected to the "normal" reality, but just under a layer of that....or this, world. Something slightly beyond the veil, but not exactly part of a separate Verse.

Yes, I know, I'm batshit, you're not telling me anything I haven't already heard.

Anywho, usually when someone, or something, sends energy my way, I can sense it on some level, but never before have I had anything manifest both visually and audibly, like it did last night.

I'd like to think that anyone, who'd actually have the strength of will to send something my way, wouldn't be dumb enough to make such an attempt without at least first researching me, as I'm not afraid of spiders. Sending a giant ball of spider-like thingies at me, then having them crawl all over my bed isn't going to freak me out, it's just going to irritate me, because I wasted over an hour staring at the damned things before I realized they weren't "real".

I go enough without sleep, I don't need some pest contributing to my insomnia with something so inept.

On the other hand, if this was just some entity trying to mess with my head, or if I just witnessed a random occurrence, then it's no biggie. I'd rather not have to deal with anything else on my plate at this time, as I believe my mind is pretty damned open as it is, but aside from Electro-shock therapy, this shit isn't going anywhere any time soon, so I might as well suck it up and just learn to deal with it.

Spiders? Really? What's next, Butterflies?

Thank You:

I was 19 before my area was able to offer On-line access. By this time I was already married to my Husband and had a child. I was also in the beginning stages of my hermit-hood, and looked to on-line to satisfy my socialization needs.

After a year wasted destroying Vampire roleplaying chats in Hotmail, and hanging around a highly questionable chat, which was later closed down by the Feds, titled "The Armpit of the Internet" where I spent a great deal of my time spamming Tubgirl pictures, I finally discovered AOL, and my first real group of Occultists.

Before this time, I'd run into dabblers and fluffs, but never anyone whom I'd consider to be serious about the path they claimed to be on. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against fluffs or dabblers, so long as they don't get all "Witchier than thou" on me for being a little left-handed, but they weren't what I was looking for either. I was craving knowledge, something more than my collection of tepid Occult books offered.....and I found it.

Amongst this eclectic gathering of awesomesauce were a few 3rd Degree Wiccans (not Neos, actual Oathbound, lineage Wiccans), a scattering of Celtic and Norse reconstructionalists, a Herbal Goddess with both Native and Gypsy roots (who could tell you the practical, seasonal, medicinal, and metaphysical useage of just about every herb to ever grow on this planet, and would verbally bitchslap anyone who claimed to be an "Indian Shaman".), and an Atheist Mage who could write up pages worth on magic and science, and dabbled in blacksmithing, making suits of armor as a hobby.)

Oh, and a Theistic Satanist who, despite his youth, knew more about Demonology than anyone I've run across since.

I came to them with my mind wide open and told them straight off about my background, admitting openly to my ignorance. They responded by pimp-slappin' the stupid out of me. At the time, I was still slightly hyper-sensitive, so my feelings were hurt, but within a few weeks I grew a thicker skin and realized that I was actually learning from them. Later on I was told that if they hadn't seen potential in me, then they would have just ignored me. That their brutal welcome, which seems polite in comparison to some of the asshats I've met since, was a test, as they didn't have time to waste on fools.

So they took me in, and within two years, I went from novice, to having several of them tell me that they considered me a peer.

They taught me one of the most important lessons I've yet to learn in regards to my faith, and practice.....that my beliefs should never be limited by any one person or book, and I should never try to remold or define my path around that of another.

Instead of telling me what I should believe, they told me everything....well, the Wiccans didn't, but they told me what they could....and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that most of my stumbling over the years wasn't nearly as bad as I'd thought. In fact, I was probably better off on my own, than being bogged down with a bunch of Coven mumbo jumbo.

I was with them for about 5-6 years, and then the arrival of a few trolls, the worst of which was a "Christian Wiccan"....yeah, figure that one out....and AOL's decision to completely destroy their forums, lead to everyone leaving.

I never bothered to try and stay in touch with any of them. At the time, it felt natural. These people, whom I'd shared so much with and held in such high esteem, had played their part in my life, and it was time for me to move on, keep walking, and not look back.

Sometimes people come into your life, and when it's time for them to go, you know that you'll probably never speak to them again, and it's Okay. That's the way it's meant to be.

I have massive issues with my memory, so the few I do feel a connection to, I cherish. I remember them, and a part of me always will.

They played a pivotal part in my growing process, and I will always be grateful for them for that.

Penthea:

This is the main symbol of my faith, a starfish known as the Penthea, sealed within a circle.

Familiars are Serious Business:

One of the first Occult groups I stumbled onto, during my early years on-line, and before I met my first serious group later on, was a bit on the fluffy side. (notice I go out of my way not to say “witch” if I can help it, I know most claim that title, but I do not, and prefer not to exclude myself when speaking about the Craft.)

During one of our chat sessions, someone came up with the brilliant idea to post pictures of our familiars. I declined because, as I tried to explain to them, familiars in my path are not animals, but animal spirits whose form I share during my OoB shifts.

They didn’t really understand, or else they didn’t want to, and insisted that I get myself a familiar, pronto.

Now, my feline companions at the time were very active in my crafting, to the point that they’d go nuts at my door anytime I was preparing for a ritual. Normally they couldn’t be bothered with me, but the second I’d so much as whip out my pendulum, they were all up in my business. Of course, they were family, so I wasn’t about to insult either them, nor my actual familiars, by slapping that particular label on them.

So instead I uploaded a picture of a pet rock and dubbed it my familiar. The group was not amused, despite the fact that I’d gone through the trouble of gluing googly eyes on the damned thing. They told me that if I wasn’t going to take them seriously then maybe this wasn’t the group for me. After my second upload of my pet hermit crab, I was booted from the forums.

Which is a shame, as I’m sure that Mr. Krabs would have made for a far superior familiar than the forum host’s chihuahua.

I still have that pet rock. I keep him in one of those little plastic cages they give you at the pet store when purchasing feeder mice. His name is Fred.

>picture forthcoming< 

Lilith Hype:

I've never understood the fascination with Lilith. I get that her modern reinventions could be seen as some icon for feminine independence and strength, despite the fact that when her entire "biblical" history was pulled out of some Hebrew scholars asses back in the dark ages, she was seen as a creature that murdered children and caused miscarriages, but a vampiric seductress? Some queen of Succubae? What idiot came to that conclusion?

It's bullshit.

If you're going to go digging around in the Bible for a Succubus mascot, then at least look to characters such as Salome, or Jael, or even Delilah for Frith's sake.

Hell, Delilah used her sexuality to literally drain the power out of Samson, one of the most powerful men alive at the time. If that doesn't scream Succubus, then I don't know what does.

I only omitted Jezebel because I see her more as a Priestess/Sorceress type, than an actual seductress.

Trouble with Inklings:

Last night I had several dreams within dreams.

In the first one, I was at The House....The House can show up anywhere and is a mixture of my aunt's house, my home in MD, and the first home we lived in when my parents moved me to this state. All three homes were haunted IRL and twist together to act as the backdrop for whatever story my Dreaming wishes to weave.

It's like, my own personal Rose Red.

My Incubus was there, but he was keeping his distance. He's been acting squirrely since I began feeding on the dreams of others, and I'm not sure why. Maybe either out of some professional courtesy or because he's unsure of me now, so instead of lavishing me with some awesome dream-fornication, he just skulks around in the shadows, acting out the part of my own, personal Cheshire Cat....who, on occasion, gives me mind-blowing orgasms while in the form of Paul Giamatti. Yes, even at his sweetest, my Incubus is a extremely sick bastard with a endlessly twisted sense of humor.

In the dream, I suddenly began bleeding from my eyes, mouth and lower orifices. My family took me to the hospital and that's when I realized that my Father was there, so I knew it was a dream and woke up. Except I woke up in the hospital with even more bleeding and a doctor telling me that I was dying and had a 1% chance at recovery. Since I already knew I was dreaming I just projected myself out of it.

Suddenly I'm in a tour bus, except it's more like an RV the size of a train with several connecting compartments. I was there on a tacky sofa with the Incubus sitting beside me and across from us was Sylvester Stallone, who was surrounded by a group of his guy friends and a gaggle of nymphets.

We were watching a porno on a small TV at the front of the "room". It was one of those nasty, low-budget flicks that makes you want to take a shower afterwards just because of how skeezy everything looks. Turns out that Sylvester Stallone was in it, and he starts explaining to me that since he started out in porn, and is now planning to retire, that he figured he would go out with the same bang.

He was saying something else when I realized that the tacky porno with it's copious amounts of bodily fluids being flung all about to such an extent that it would have put an army of Super Soakers to shame, had been shot in the very room I was now located in, with most of the extra oozey secretions being deposited on the couch I was sitting on. Revolted I jumped up and ran out of the cabin, only to enter another cabin which had been set up as a tattoo pallor. The old man doing the ink offered me one for free, if I would listen to his story, which I was forced to turn down after seeing how filthy his work station was.

There was more to the dream after that, but I don't really recall at the moment. I'm pretty sure that it was just more inane symbolism, and pesky spectral annoyances.

The only real interest for me throughout this whole thing was having the Incubus constantly following me. The last time I saw him in my Dreaming, he physically attacked me, which is something that has never happened before.

If he attempts to attack me again, then I'm putting him down. Nobody likes a feral Incubus.

Träumst du mit mir heut Nacht?

Fanatical Erks:

The more I'm exposed to Theistic Satanists, the more insulted I begin to feel over all of the times I was called a Devil Worshiper when I was younger.

Dear Gods.....if I have to read one more stupid-ass post that ends with HAIL SATAN!!!! then I swear that my palm will end up permanently fused to my face.

Do You Speak It?

Asmodae:

The power of an Asmodae (Incubae/Succubae) lies within our ability to enthrall and seduce our prey. While some of us are drawn to the thrill of the hunt, that does not prohibit us from also seeking out and possessing our very own pampered little pets to play with, and feed from, whenever and however we desire.

For what is seduction after all? But another form of manipulation.

I am a scheming Dreamer, Shadow Dancer, and Morphévore.

I am the Nightmare which rides you.

Official Asmodae Sigil:

Many a year ago, my twisted, adolescent mind thought it was very strange how there were no actual words to described both Incubae and Succubae, as while they are different genders, and usually possess different abilities, they are still the same species, more or less.

So for years I wracked my brain, determined to find a term which would unify and combine the two into one. I gave some consideration to "sin-eater" for a while, but didn't like the idea of utilizing the term "sin", as I do not personally believe in such nonsense, so it's impossible for me to take anything connected to the concept seriously. I also discovered, during my extensive research on the subject, that there was an actual human practice of sin-eating where a chosen person, the "sin-eater", would eat food from the body of a recently deceased person, therefore taking their sins into them. This was apparently a big thing in Scotland and Wales a while back, although the book I read on the subject was centered around the Appalachian mountains. While this might sound like a worthy cause for a person to undertake, from my understanding, they were pretty much treated like a pariah by the rest of their village, which is pretty damn atrocious when you stop and think about it.

I finally decided to settle on a variant of Asmodeus, as he is one of the Seven Princes of Hell, and each Prince rules over a deadly sin. Asmodeus just so happens to be the Demon Prince of Lust.

 Anything connected to Billy Drago is automatically awesome!

(He played Asmodeus in the 2005 low-budget horror film, Demon Hunter.

Which is only worth watching because he is in it.)

This guy also played Asmodeus in the highly underrated 2007 Australian film, Gabriel. 

But he doesn't come off as being evil, just narassistic and annoying. 

Since I pluralize Succubus and Incubus with an "ae" instead of the usual "i", I figured that I'd go with Asmodae, which was perfect until Aion's released 4 years back and I discovered that Asmodae was the name of one of their main cities within the game. But......since that has nothing to do with me, sex-feeders, or my writings, and I've yet to find any actual copyright claims on the term, I figure that I'll stick with it. I mean, I did think of it first.

So Asmodae tends to be what I use whenever speaking about Succubae and/or Incubae in the Occult communities, which almost always results in some hilariously weird looks, even after I try to explain the reasoning behind my useage of it. (I get the same reaction when I tell people I'm a Warlock.)
 
At any rate, I recently decided that it was time to create a sigil for the Asmodae, as all entities should have their own species/clan/racial symbols.

The sigil at the top of this post is what I came up with. It's nothing fancy, but it incorporates everything I wished to put into it. Besides, I'm a writer, not an artist, and there's only so much I can do with Microsoft Paint.

The actual sigil for Asmodeus, which is shown to the right of the page here, isn't that much fancier.

****************************************

Funny little tidbit: In my writings, the term Asmodae is limited to those who are not bound to the Dreaming. The Incubae and Succubae who live within the Dreaming are known as something else.....which I'm not giving away just yet.

Yeah, I'm a total tease like that, but hey! It's part of my books, I'd like to keep some of my terminology a mystery.

Stick to rolling dice, because your casting sucks!

I believe that human beings, even those who are completely normal, without any type of spiritual enhancements or minions, can achieve great feats of metaphysical strength on the power of their will alone.

Yes, training does count for something, as all knowledge is power, but that doesn't mean that someone can't just stumble into the craft, and eventually learn enough on their own to be a force to be reckoned with.

My own beginnings were void of any Occult information, or elders. I gleaned what I could from movies and old books on various superstitions and the history of the Inquisition, because that is all I had access too, and yet I still managed to get the job done more often than not. Hell, my very first spell was a replica of a Poppet construction I'd seen on the movie The Witches of Eastwick.

Now, one thing that I have always held very firm, to myself, is discretion. There are several reasons for this, mainly that bragging is tacky and there's not a higher power out there that favors hubris. I also hold the belief that if I talk about some of my abilities, that I will lose them. When it comes to regular hexing, it's simply a matter of the person's own skepticism building a even stronger shield around them, making the effort to meddle in their lives no longer worth it.

Although, I have mentioned before that I believe the same scenario could be applied to others, and without even sending a negative through their way, that their own superstition, paranoia and fear will cause their downfall.

Both cases are true, it just depends on the mindset of the target.

I have been recently struggling to find an active Occult community, in which I might discuss my Craft with peers, but unfortunately, the only serious one I know of has pretty much died out, which I am particularly responsible for as I don't post there as much anymore either, so all I am stuck with are.......I'm not even sure what to call them. Playgan doesn't really fit, because these people take their Occult shenanigans so seriously that one could never find fault in their dedication. They are simply outlandish in their claims.

Now, like I said, I'm sure that someone could cause some hardcore damage to another person's life, and as the Sibyl of a Primordial, I know that it is possible to blend a human's nature with that of a higher powers, but sometimes, the bullshit is so thick that even I can't buy into it, and I believe in the Loch Ness Monster.

I do try to be tolerant, and almost never call anyone out on their obviously moronic claims, but when I actually witness a person claiming that they crippled and murdered others through their soul binding with one of Satan's top generals, especially when this same person supposedly summoned demons to destroy me over two years ago, I just can't help myself, because the repetitive fabrications are just way too hilarious. I can't NOT pick on them for it.

The really sad thing is, I've been picking on the same people for years now and it still hasn't sunken in that I'm talking about them, even when I'm using their full names!

Attention Theistic Satanists and Vampires: You are NOT this guy!

Or this guy.

Not even close.

Hell, you can't even compare to Charlie Sheen.

Please, just give it up already, because you are embarrassing yourselves, and the only people who are impressed with your silly boosting are those who are even dumber and more gullible than you are.