Words:

I am a terrible fighter. Like, embarrassingly bad.

Despite my size and build, I'm clumsy and uncoordinated. I can't block to save my life and my punches are weak. My only saving grace is that I can take a shit-ton of damage before going down. Also, if my hands or feet get anywhere near your genitals, or it there is a sharp object within reach, then you will get fucked up. I'm all about the cheap shots.

Words are my power. They always have been. Not in an obvious way. I'll never win an insult match IRL because my reaction time is too slow. It still surprises me that I'm able to think up snarky come-backs on-line as fast as I do because I've always had a problem with becoming tongue-tied in similar situations IRL.

So I rely on deviousness. My first real weapon was my Craft. From the time I was 12-years-old I was hexing anyone who pissed me off and I delighted in watching their worlds crumble around them. Later, I learned how to expand my manipulation of energy from spells to people. I didn't need to hex them, not when I could reshape their energy to my will and turn it against them, or worse, infect them with my own.

My love of words expands to this. When I screw around with someone's ju-ju, I usually think of a single word, and repeat it within my head with as much force as possible. It helps me focus my intentions.

Not this shit again:

"You must play once more to stop it."

It's not fuckin' Jumanji, you stupid bitch!

On one hand, I'm pretty sure that watching this film will be the equivalent of giving myself a lobotomy. But on the other hand, I do so love anything which encourages the irrational fear of Ouija boards within others.

Hell, it still boggles my mind how many actual Occultists piss themselves in terror over these damned things.

Ouija/Spirit boards and other scrying paraphernalia are nothing more than focusing tools.

The fuckin' board isn't the conduit, dipshit, YOU are.

Sometimes the music just isn't loud enough. I turn it up until my ears hurt and it's still not enough to down out the noise in my head.

I just let everything build up and purge it out. Empty myself of every bit of energy I possess. Just push it as far down into the earth as possible until I'm hallowed out completely.

Then I can finally sleep and feed and once the dreams begin to settle and be influenced by this sickness inside of me once again, then I start the whole wretched process over.

Pendants and Sigils

4 years ago I designed a sigil for myself. This was one of my best works, if I do say so myself, and I waited for a very special occasion in which to charge it.

That occasion occurred this past Friday.

Now I am in negotiations with a lady metalworker in hopes that she will make it into a pendant for me to wear.

On a similar note, about 12 years back I bought a pendant which meant a great deal to me. The unique design and symbolism made it one of my top personable talismans, which I wore constantly.

A few years back, it vanished. I kept it with me everywhere, so I have no clue what could have happened to it. After about two years went by I tried searching for it on-line, but since it was a unique piece made by a blacksmith and commissioned in the store in which I purchased it, I have been unable to find anything close to it's design on-line.

This is what initially led me to create my Sigil....that and because I wanted something that would represent something very personal to me....a few very personal things in fact.

Now, earlier this year I made a pack with my Lady.....which I almost never do because the price is always a bit too high for my preference and the Divine never gives away anything for free. I promised her the usual sacrifices on my part if she would help me find my necklace. Immediately she responded....not so much with words, but with the faint sound of what could only be described as a gong. Seeing how we have nothing of the sort anywhere near the general vicinity, it was pretty obvious that she heard and agreed.

Of course given the fact that I don't make such deals that often, I made a very noob-ish mistake and didn't specific that she could have her sacrifice after I received my necklace, neither did I put any limited as to just how much she could take from our agreed form of payment.

Take note my young Witchlings, never trust outside sources when it comes to your Craft, especially the Divine, because if your wording isn't as precise as possible then you will suffer for it.

Anywho, just when I had given up hope, I accidentally stumbled upon the name of the blacksmith who made my necklace.....something I had specifically searched for over the course of several years just suddenly fell into my lap no less than 10 minutes ago.

I'm going ahead and ordering it, and if I ever find my original one, then I will turn the new one into a bracelet or something, as it is a very important symbol in my faith.

Life is so awesome.....painful, but awesome. :)

Dream Feeding:

The Dream is fading now...

Such a shame. This was the first time I was able to sink my teeth into you, and you were absolutely delicious.

I have waited almost two decades for a taste of you and while you were more than worth the wait, I wish I had more time to savor the experience.

Oh well, there's always next time.

And trust me, there will be a next time.

The Lady in Orange: by: Ntozake Shange

You don't know me, I am not
a deliberate coquette who never
did without.
What I want and I
wanted to be unforgettable.
I wanted to be a memory,
a wound to every man arrogant enough to want me.
I am the wrath of women in
windows fingerin shades.
Ol lace curtains camouflaging despair and
stretch marks.
I glittered honestly delighted
I am desired and allowed those especially
schemin tactful suitors to experience my body and spirit.
Tearin so easily blending with
theirs.
And they were so happy and lay on
my lime sheets full and wet from
my tongue.
I kissed them reverently even ankles
edges of beards... 

All the colors of the rainbow:

My Mate keeps asking me just what type of "Witch" category I would fall under: white, black or grey.

I always immediately answer none of the above because I'm a Warlock, not a Witch. (Yeah, same difference, but I'm allowed to snark about it every now and again.)

He's asking because he's met a Witch, or someone married to a Witch and they apparently use the whole color thing to describe themselves, which there's nothing wrong with doing that, I just don't personally prescribe to it.

I mean, if we're talking colors then I'm pretty much plaid, or maybe polka-dotted. I don't really fit into the other three very neatly. That would suggest order, something which I'm not a huge fan of when it comes to my Craft.

I finally told him that as a balanced practitioner of the Occult, I would therefore learn more towards grey, if those were the only three choices available to me.