Hunting Unicorns:

The first thing I do anytime I meet someone claiming to be a virgin is offer to buy a vial of their blood.

I've yet to have anyone take me up on my offer.

Trust Me:

 

I am completely reliable when it comes to secrets. It's actually one of the few things people can trust me with.

This wasn't always the case. When I was younger, my need to instigate discord and feed on the resulting calamity was too strong to ignore. I wasn't aware of why I did some of the things I did, only that there was a compulsion in me to dabble in betrayal which I simply could not deny.

Learning how to control my feeding, and through that, the reasons behind some of my more irritating and alienating actions, helped me to suppress this side of my nature.

Oh, I don't keep confidences because I wish to be a good person, or because I care about your feelings......because that type of thing is beyond my capabilities.....No, I do it because knowledge is power, and secrets are doubly so. To have knowledge to myself, or that which is limited to a select few, is to have power over another.

And I don't like to share my power.

So go ahead, trust in me. Make your confession. Lay your every secret open and bleeding upon my altar.

I promise to forgive you your sins and make your penance as painless as possible.

Part of me wants to fly up and simply watch this whole... world... burn.

I keep finding myself in situations that I have nothing but contempt for, and yet I still play my part because I'm drawn into the absurdity of it all.

It's not for feeding, or even research, as I've allowed some rather revolting people into my life in the past simply because I was curious to see how their minds worked....

No, there is absolutely nothing I can learn from these people.

I have no idea why I do it, except that when I'm confronted by one of them, my mind shifts and I'm suddenly nice and friendly and sympathetic towards them and their causes.

It's not an act, not at the time, but afterwards, when things shift back, I find myself disgusted by the whole ordeal.

It's one of the disadvantages of my Chameleon Shifting. I don't always like what I become and the parasites that end up leeching onto me as a result.

Of course, I don't feel this way when I'm in the "zone". When one of my "nicer" sides are in control, I view this me as something horrible and want to be a better person.

Is it any wonder then that my less human personas are constantly attempting to cause psychological harm to my fluffy mindsets?

I might not have MPD, but it's close enough to where my mind is constantly at war with itself. One part just wants to exorcize this Darkness within me, and the others, they want to destroy what they see as my weaknesses.

I am my own worst enemy.

I can also, very easily, be yours.

As no ammount of affection, or love, no matter how strongly I might believe I feel it at the moment, will keep you safe from this me.

And this isn't even me at my worst.

Flying Monkeys are Awesome!

Deadly Fluff:

My stuffed animals are all charmed. I've believed that toys hold protective qualities since I was a small child, and I've taken measures to up the Oomph! factor since then.

They are hardly my only precaution. When you deal with some of the things and people I have, then you quickly learn that there's no such thing as being overly prepared, or paranoid.

Basically, fuck with me and my Hello Kitty and Flying Monkey plushies will be the least of your concerns.

How to sell a contradiction:

Most of those who invoke the Neo-Pagan version of Karma against someone who has wronged them in some way rarely stop to consider how it might also affect them in return.

Luckily it's about as real as eternal Damnation....which is basically the same threat, just from a different source.