I keep finding myself in situations that I have nothing but contempt for, and yet I still play my part because I'm drawn into the absurdity of it all.
It's not for feeding, or even research, as I've allowed some rather revolting people into my life in the past simply because I was curious to see how their minds worked....
No, there is absolutely nothing I can learn from these people.
I have no idea why I do it, except that when I'm confronted by one of them, my mind shifts and I'm suddenly nice and friendly and sympathetic towards them and their causes.
It's not an act, not at the time, but afterwards, when things shift back, I find myself disgusted by the whole ordeal.
It's one of the disadvantages of my Chameleon Shifting. I don't always like what I become and the parasites that end up leeching onto me as a result.
Of course, I don't feel this way when I'm in the "zone". When one of my "nicer" sides are in control, I view this me as something horrible and want to be a better person.
Is it any wonder then that my less human personas are constantly attempting to cause psychological harm to my fluffy mindsets?
I might not have MPD, but it's close enough to where my mind is constantly at war with itself. One part just wants to exorcize this Darkness within me, and the others, they want to destroy what they see as my weaknesses.
I am my own worst enemy.
I can also, very easily, be yours.
As no ammount of affection, or love, no matter how strongly I might believe I feel it at the moment, will keep you safe from this me.
And this isn't even me at my worst.
